Thursday, February 21, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Confessions
I only learned to be able to play with you.
I only say it back because I feel bad that you call me your best friend.
If I say I believe in something, it's probably because I'm forcing myself to believe it.
Except I do believe in you.
I have a best friend, which I'm willing to say. I may not be hers, but I really believe she's mine.
I'm tied down to my past so tight I don't know if I'll ever get out of it.
I complain a lot, yes.
I will never get over the feeling of living in this town.
Walking home at 1am alone here is my favorite, I guarantee you will never hear more amazing silence.
You couldn't possibly imagine what its like unless you've been here for long enough to get into the groove of it.
We all have things going on but we need to face the facts that there are people in this world who go days without eating, have no parents, are being tortured and killed, are being used for child labour, and even if you make no effort to help them we need to realize how many people would kill to have what we have.
I would kill to have what every single one of you have.
There are people that will kill to have what I have.
I feel more at home in a hockey rink than in a venue.
This town is full of my best friends.
You fuck with one of us, and we will all fuck with you.
I don't experience much.
I know how it feels to be loved.
I treat myself terribly.
I want to be the girl that gets to go to all the shows and see all the music and be friends with her heroes, but in reality I'm not and I never will be.
I'm starting to be okay with that.
But my feelings come and go.
In a week I'll be begging for a different life.
I'm really smart.
I would actually love to work for NASA.
I want a tattoo of an eighth note on the inside of my left wrist.
I am disproportional to myself.
My baby sister causes as much hell for me as she helps it.
This house can be hell.
We don't have a lot of money, we are actually barely middle class, but I'm entirely happy with the fact that we camp as a family, and we sit down every night and eat as a family, and we talk about our days like a family.
I'm happy that we are a family.
Disfunctional, but we are a family.
The littlest things make my day, and there are people in my life who have helped me get through things and they'll never know.
I went through depression.
It comes back every now and then and as much as I want to be able to say "It's Over" I fear it really isnt.
I would agree to die if I could meet my hero for 5 minutes.
I'm strangely pathetic.
Every one of you who has been here for about 2 years will agree that I've changed.
For the worse.
I'm a really angry person on the inside but I rarely let it show.
I want to be good at basketball so badly.
I have trouble judging myself and usually rely completely on what other people say.
Why is it that the friend of mine who lies the most, betrays us the most, puts on an act the most, is the only one who rubs my back and tells me its alright when I cry?
I've only cried over something thats bothering me in front of my friends twice.
I miss Alejandro Siller so much it hurts my heart.
I cried for 6 hours when he left.
I was the last girl to hug him before he left both times he was here.
I find it funny that I can tell when my friends are trying to hide the fact that they're sad, yet they cant tell when I'm sad and not even trying to hide it.
Drops Of Jupiter is my favorite song.
I have fun here and I love it.
When things aren't good I'll say different.
But overall the good things outweigh the bad things, immensly.
I miss Caroline Grady.
It still blows my mind that meeting her didnt make me nervous at all.
I wish she lived here.
She is pretty much my opposite.
I say 'pretty much' too much.
Boys don't like me.
I get showed up with everything I do.
There is always someone better.
I always second guess everything.
In my mind my friends are worse than they actually are.
Most of this stuff I'm realizing as I write this.
I have so many flaws.
I do not want to grow up.
I feel like I dont even know what I'm doing now, so how am I supposed to know what to do then?
I have time.
I miss Grade 8.
Everyone's changing and distancing, and I don't like it.
I want to live in this town forever.
I really wish everyone else saw their hero like I see mine.
I'm scared to meet him, part of me just wants to keep him as something unreal.
I talk to Mallory every day.
I tell her things I dont tell anyone else.
I'm gonna meet her.
I want to go to Vancouver.
No one pays much attention to my cat, and when she dies it will tear me apart.
I'm in love with the feeling of Summer.
I look forward to Sandy Lake and Kenosee every year.
When I look forward to things they tend to go wrong.
I have terrible luck.
I don't want people to think I sound conceited.
I don't know if I do, but I'm really not.
Just being included makes me feel cared about.
I find so much sense in The Lion King you would think I was a lion.
I get into routines, badly.
If they dont work right, I can get pretty mad.
My mom and I don't really talk. When we do, its awkward.
My moms cousin was drunk and he drowned.
I see how upset it makes his parents, and a majority of that side of the family.
I don't really like my dads side, although I've learned to be happier around them.
I love my moms side but I only see them about once every 2 years.
This is helping me a lot.
I want to be stick thin.
My collarbones disgust me and I like them at the same time.
More Later.
I only say it back because I feel bad that you call me your best friend.
If I say I believe in something, it's probably because I'm forcing myself to believe it.
Except I do believe in you.
I have a best friend, which I'm willing to say. I may not be hers, but I really believe she's mine.
I'm tied down to my past so tight I don't know if I'll ever get out of it.
I complain a lot, yes.
I will never get over the feeling of living in this town.
Walking home at 1am alone here is my favorite, I guarantee you will never hear more amazing silence.
You couldn't possibly imagine what its like unless you've been here for long enough to get into the groove of it.
We all have things going on but we need to face the facts that there are people in this world who go days without eating, have no parents, are being tortured and killed, are being used for child labour, and even if you make no effort to help them we need to realize how many people would kill to have what we have.
I would kill to have what every single one of you have.
There are people that will kill to have what I have.
I feel more at home in a hockey rink than in a venue.
This town is full of my best friends.
You fuck with one of us, and we will all fuck with you.
I don't experience much.
I know how it feels to be loved.
I treat myself terribly.
I want to be the girl that gets to go to all the shows and see all the music and be friends with her heroes, but in reality I'm not and I never will be.
I'm starting to be okay with that.
But my feelings come and go.
In a week I'll be begging for a different life.
I'm really smart.
I would actually love to work for NASA.
I want a tattoo of an eighth note on the inside of my left wrist.
I am disproportional to myself.
My baby sister causes as much hell for me as she helps it.
This house can be hell.
We don't have a lot of money, we are actually barely middle class, but I'm entirely happy with the fact that we camp as a family, and we sit down every night and eat as a family, and we talk about our days like a family.
I'm happy that we are a family.
Disfunctional, but we are a family.
The littlest things make my day, and there are people in my life who have helped me get through things and they'll never know.
I went through depression.
It comes back every now and then and as much as I want to be able to say "It's Over" I fear it really isnt.
I would agree to die if I could meet my hero for 5 minutes.
I'm strangely pathetic.
Every one of you who has been here for about 2 years will agree that I've changed.
For the worse.
I'm a really angry person on the inside but I rarely let it show.
I want to be good at basketball so badly.
I have trouble judging myself and usually rely completely on what other people say.
Why is it that the friend of mine who lies the most, betrays us the most, puts on an act the most, is the only one who rubs my back and tells me its alright when I cry?
I've only cried over something thats bothering me in front of my friends twice.
I miss Alejandro Siller so much it hurts my heart.
I cried for 6 hours when he left.
I was the last girl to hug him before he left both times he was here.
I find it funny that I can tell when my friends are trying to hide the fact that they're sad, yet they cant tell when I'm sad and not even trying to hide it.
Drops Of Jupiter is my favorite song.
I have fun here and I love it.
When things aren't good I'll say different.
But overall the good things outweigh the bad things, immensly.
I miss Caroline Grady.
It still blows my mind that meeting her didnt make me nervous at all.
I wish she lived here.
She is pretty much my opposite.
I say 'pretty much' too much.
Boys don't like me.
I get showed up with everything I do.
There is always someone better.
I always second guess everything.
In my mind my friends are worse than they actually are.
Most of this stuff I'm realizing as I write this.
I have so many flaws.
I do not want to grow up.
I feel like I dont even know what I'm doing now, so how am I supposed to know what to do then?
I have time.
I miss Grade 8.
Everyone's changing and distancing, and I don't like it.
I want to live in this town forever.
I really wish everyone else saw their hero like I see mine.
I'm scared to meet him, part of me just wants to keep him as something unreal.
I talk to Mallory every day.
I tell her things I dont tell anyone else.
I'm gonna meet her.
I want to go to Vancouver.
No one pays much attention to my cat, and when she dies it will tear me apart.
I'm in love with the feeling of Summer.
I look forward to Sandy Lake and Kenosee every year.
When I look forward to things they tend to go wrong.
I have terrible luck.
I don't want people to think I sound conceited.
I don't know if I do, but I'm really not.
Just being included makes me feel cared about.
I find so much sense in The Lion King you would think I was a lion.
I get into routines, badly.
If they dont work right, I can get pretty mad.
My mom and I don't really talk. When we do, its awkward.
My moms cousin was drunk and he drowned.
I see how upset it makes his parents, and a majority of that side of the family.
I don't really like my dads side, although I've learned to be happier around them.
I love my moms side but I only see them about once every 2 years.
This is helping me a lot.
I want to be stick thin.
My collarbones disgust me and I like them at the same time.
More Later.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Taking two steps forward, a million back
Shin splints and strep throat walk hand in hand in and out of my life
I've got a gut instinct thats making me feel more than sick
and for some reason I know its not just the flu
I've got a gut instinct thats making me feel more than sick
and for some reason I know its not just the flu
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)