dear old friends,

thank you greatly for returning
i have missed you greatly
i was beginning to question if you would ever show up again
surprise to me, but a good one, dont get me wrong
we have a strange relationship
folie a deux, you could say
or maybe i'm the mad one
but regardless, you being back in my life is a good thing
again, thank you for reassuring me of yourselves

much (pav)love
if only i (you?) knew what it meant

as time passes by direction unknown you've left us now but we're not alone before you know it your cups overflown you measured no one that i've ever known and its quite alright, and goodbye for now, just look up to the stars & believe who you are cause its quite alright, and so long goodbye we always knew that it'd come to this its times like these i forget what i miss matters of heart are hard to address, specially when yours is full of emptiness

i cant decide

if i like it or not

iris reminds me of the day katie was here at the end of the summer of grade 8 and the head was on the deck

generation reminds me of the noise and the curtains falling and having my hero on the line

beat of my heart reminds me of band class when b was still around

grand theft autumn reminds me of summer in kenosee with ben bray and baylea

and so long goodbye is just a good song

updating on the recent..

So life's running away on me unfortunately
I'm updating you on the past little bit...
basically the football party, and this past weekend
(thats really all thats happened lately)

sooo the football party was nuts! but in a good way... for me, anyhow. the boys lost the final which was brutally unfortunate, their season was undefeated! dammit! oh well :) haha, the party was planned beforehand so there was nothing we could do about it. ANYWAYS - we pre-gamed at alanna's, which was fun, when we first got dropped off at draydens, it was only brett sean and i, not really sure of the reason for that, i dont really remember. when we came in drayden was trying to usher me into his basement.. but i was freaked out and had no clue what was going on. turns out some 40 year old man had just punched brayden in the face like 3 times? insane. the party was good though, i saw a lot of people i hadn't seen in a very long time. drama broke out and girls were crying everywhere but thats nothing new... we went back to alannas at like 230 hahahaha, with lann jeff (gordo) and a couple of his friends, we had macaroni, katie showed up wasted out of her mind, she was gagging on hairy macaroni and fighting to get her own coat off haha, katie and i slept in alannas basement and didnt even go to sleep, we stayed awake aaall night and katie almost threw up a couple of times, eventually by 7 we got up and went out for breakfast haha katie ran every stop sign between here and texas, we had a huge greasy breakfast and it was good at the time but nasty afterwards, we didnt do anything else for a while and then we went out to katies with this huge plan to go hottubbing, and we got to her house and ended up falling asleep for 5 hours hahaha, brutal. we finally got back into town and went to braydens and watched joyride, which is effed...
seriously an amazing weekend hahaha

aaaand this thursday was our birthday party! sweet 16! we rented a limo bus and it holds 15.. the party was between me ben and kelsey... the others that came were b katie jlee alanna michelle delaney brett luke sean troy josh & brayden! it was a lot of fun.. the limo was sweet.. the party was at delaneys after.. :) i'm making it short but it was fun!

oooh aaand... dont forget the one night we got stopped by the cops and we had 1 too many people in katie's car and i have a 300$ fine for being the one without the seatbelt...
yeah, awesome :)

Encounters With Canada

so has it been long enough since i've been around here? i think so
i am writing about my amaaaazing trip to the beautiful city of ottawa, ontario
i went for a program called encounters with canada, i chose science & technology
it occurred on october 5th - 11th, i went with tanya palson
i don't know what else to introduce, so here i go with the actual story

sunday october 5th, 2008

mom googled 'hotels near winnipeg airport' so therefore we stayed at some random comfort inn, our blankets had cigarette burns in them, breathing in our room was like chain smoking, it was sketchy, i think you get the point, we woke up and had a muffin from the continental breakfast and then drove to the airport. i had never flown before, and was suprisingly not too nervous, we had to be there at 8, and our flight left at 10, so we hung around a bit, said goodbye to mom and dad, and then went through security (joseph was behind us the entire way except we didnt actually know him yet) we got on the plane, belted and whatnot. when i get nervous i tend to get very giddy, so tanya was definitely in shock at how strange i was acting. take off was so sweet, and i loved flying from the second we started. we watched paris hilton's show about finding a new bff, i lost tons of brain cells, and two hours later we were in ottawa. we were greeted by people holding EWC signs (who later turned out to be our monitors) and then we went and got our baggage and stood in a huge group, before they moved us onto buses to take us to the terry fox youth center. it was hilarious since no one said a word the whole way, yet the situation would be very different when we were returning to the airport. anyways we arrived at the center and were told all the rules, and given our nametags, and then we had to find which dorm we were in, and our bed number. i was bed 244 in dorm b, so me and tanya headed up there to find out that she was in the other dorm :( not going to lie, i was scared to be by myself, but a girl named grace was the first to talk to me, she told me a bit about the place and then said she was going downstairs shortly so i could join with her. she ended up leaving without me though, and i went and found tanya and met her bunkmate jasmine, we didn't have anything to do so me and tanya just sat around, i believe. we may have met a couple people but nothing too intense. eventually we made our way to supper & i was starved, due to weird time changes we didnt get lunch, so me and tanya hadn't ate since 7am that morning, so i was jacked to eat until i found out it was spaghetti.. now out of all the foods it could have been it had to be spaghetti, i'm pretty sure i had met hannah by this point and was eating with her, but i could be wrong. i forced myself to eat it, and when that was done we went back up to the dorms. it is possible that i'm going to miss out things, and as i remember them i will add them in. tanya and i went and shot some hoops after supper, and this is when we were introduced to martin (oh dear), he came out and played with us for a bit and then we went back inside. then we had an opening ceremonies where they welcomed us and told us all the rules, etc. we played 'icebreaker' games, which was a pretty sweet way to meet everyone! after that i dont think much else happened, or at least i dont remember much happening, and then we went and got used to being in the dorms.. i learned to love them by the end of the week but the first night was brutal! i met my bunkmate and her name was hilary, she was from pei! oh and i just remembered we played a sweet game where we all sat on chairs in a huge circle and leaned on the person behind us, and then they took out the chairs and we just stood there.. i dont know what it was supposed to represent, but it was neat.. and a good workout on the abs. and i also met a girl named mallory who was from the souris that's in pei, and i gave away a few of my pins too! i think thats about it for day one.. i went to bed, or attempted it

monday october 6th, 2008

turns out i didnt sleep at all, seriously. i stayed awake for hours before finally rolling over and looking at my phone, to find out it was 530 and i had to get up in an hour anyways. every day we had breakfast at 730am, and then we had group meetings from 845 until 930, and then we'd leave for our daily activities. so being in a dorm with 50 girls who have to get ready in the morning means we had to time ourselves so that we could all be ready by breakfast. anyways i did not sleep (personally i think it was because of the spaghetti..) and then dragged myself out of bed to go get ready. we formed a little bit of a group, even though we didnt know it, every day for the rest of the week gracey jeanne and i were almost always getting ready at the same time in the mornings, by the end of the week i went around and woke them both up so we could get ready together. anyways! i got up and got ready and went down for breakfast,

i am so sorry i haven't done this
just remember that encounters was the best week of my life to date
i love nicole
i love sander
i love mark
i love alex
i love nathan
i love matthew
i love gracie
I LOVE FREDDIE
i love ireka
i love marty
i love imelda
i love rachael
i love michelle
i miss everyone too much to be able to think

i forgot to say i love jeanne.. what was i thinking
lets change all these love's to miss' ok?

bring it all back please
please

September 1st, 2008

woke up with very little sleep & made my way home, i cleaned upstairs and downstairs and then barely did anything until b and kelsie showed up with our fruit pizza from the night before, it was actually decent! waaaay sweet though, we talked for a bit then katie showed up, followed by michelle, and then jlee, and then kelsey, and then sarah, and we all just hung out, as girls, on the last day of summer. it was good. i didnt do anything else but fall asleep during csi, then had a bath & watched the season premiere of gossip girl, it was excellent! i just finished one tree hill too and although i dont follow it, it was still good, csi miami is on and then i plan to go to bed,

school tomorrow!
thank you summer, sincerely
i will always miss it
always

drops of jupiter - train
i thought it was appropriate

August 31st, 2008

Finally I am on top of all this!

okay but not really. i'm giving up the caps and proper grammar, excuse me once again. today was beeeeyond chill, very nice if i do say so myself. i slept in until 11!! and walked home, it was miserable outside today. i got home and did nothing but curl up in a blanket and watch csi all day (marathon - heeeeelll yes) and i cleaned almost the whole house, proud of myself actually. part of me is excited to live on my own because i know i'll keep it in beyond tiptop shape haha, anyways so b was supposed to come over at 2 but never showed, so i hung out by myself until i went to aunties for supper - it was so good, she made the best salad ever. i came back to the house and wasnt here long at all before b called saying she was coming over to pick me up so we could bake god knows what, so she showed up and we went through the cupboards looking for something to take to contribute.. all we found was frozen fruit and butterscotch chocolate chips, so we took those and drove to her house. heres where the fun started, if you want to call it that. we went on the internet and found a recipe for fruit pizza but it was sketchy so we had to use like 3 different recipes combined, we made a sugar cookie dough, which turned out decent, and a cream cheese & whip cream icing, which turned out good, but its when we began to try to use our creative minds that things went wrong, haha. we decided to cover bananas in chocolate and put those on top of the pizza, so we melted chocolate chips but something went wrong and it turned into chunky moussey chocolate, which tasted worse than it looked, so we put that aside and decided to melt skor bits, except that turned into rock hard toffee that almost broke b's teeth, so we decided to just keep the bananas as they were, oh and there was a drizzle sauce recipe to put on top of the fruit, so we made that, it involved boiling orange juice, corn starch, and sugar, and it turned into some strange sticky gelatin type stuff? it smelled like pumpkins and didnt really pour - more like plopped onto the pizza, so we ended up taking knives and just spreading everything all around, it looked sort of edible by the time we were done but we'll just have to see tomorrow.. hahaha, anyways so then we decided to go pick up michelle, but she wasnt ready so we cruised around town, feeling extra sweet, and then went and got michelle, and went to white owl, where i got junior mints (havent had them in a while) then we drove out to bretts and pumped dirty sanchez, then we picked up brett and i fed him a junior mint and he gagged, and we drove back into town and went and picked up jlee who was crying because she smelled like a french fry & her dog tried to eat her, then we cameeeee here and watched WETD (so funny seriously) and csi: ny and talked about life and random stuff, like the fact that yesterday b claimed there were 566 days in a year, but then she said "wait.. that doesnt seem right..." and my mind is flying right now! and now i am watching more csi and have made a plan to go for a midnight bubble bath, i believe, and then talk to mallory and read more hp before walking over to aunties to go to bed!

american love - jack's mannequin
eeeeexcellent

oh and i thought it would be appropriate to be serious for one second and add this:
'say a prayer the summer nights are dead the fall is coming we were careless hearts who got caught up in this you were shy till the night you drove me wild and you crashed into me and i wont lie i wish it lasted a lifetime please stay, wont you stay tonight? breathe in deep and say goodbye, the saddest song we'll ever write for anyone, anytime, breathe in deep before i say i can feel us slip away youre almost gone you're good as gone, now we wait cause august had to end all our bags are packed just two broken hearts that got caught up in this i deny that tomorrow you'll be gone & so far from me its something strange never love the same way we can try to drown it out but it never stops breathing we can take it all in but it never slows down we've come down from that cloud, breathe in deep and say goodbye, the saddest song we'll ever write for anyone, anytime, breathe in deep before i say i can feel us slip away you're almost gone you're good as gone, August is over'

seriously, thank you summer 08 for being a good one
its good to get that change once in a while
i will always miss warped for the rest of my life i'm pretty sure
until next year, right?

goodnight august

and update now on sept 1st (cheating technically)
i called mallory when i had to walk to aunties last night because it was cold and freaky and late out, and really only meant to talk to her for the 4 minute walk there, but ended up sitting in front of aunties house for like over an hour and a half talking to mal on the phone 8) thought i could add it in, is this the longest one of the 2 week spree?!

everything i ask for - the maine, i love this band

August 30th, 2008

yes i am becoming terrible at this, but b's dad wouldn't let me walk to my aunties due to creepers outside so i had no time to sit down and do it, excuse moi

so i woke up yesterday at aunties with a terrible sleep, i didnt go to bed until like 4am and woke up at 9, i went upstairs and bob gave me a ride home, where i had some bfast and then mosied on downstairs to lay in bed and listen to jacks mannequin, the new stuff is perfect, seriously. i then came upstairs and got some grapes and cheese together and went and sat outside to read harry potter! i had planned to read the entire series before the summer was over and started the first one yesterday, funny how that works eh? anyways it was crazy humid outside yesterday so i put on my bathing suit and layed out there to read! it was so nice! felt like summer again, except then i got attacked by bees, actually just one bee. it wouldnt leave me alone no matter what part of the deck i moved to, so i came inside and layed on the couch to read it, and ended up falling asleep a couple times, i had a bubble bath, and eventually went to aunties for supper, then walked back home and made plans to meet b, so we met and went for a sad excuse for a walk, then back to b's, then over to michelle's g's, then to white owl, then back to b's, where her and i prepared for the bonfire, there was like ten people there and then we got rained inside, i had a nice chat with sarah and katie about life, pretty much, it was a very random group, then we decided to walk to the park, but as soon as we got there we decided to walk back, we had a nice food tray thanks to b, then i fell asleep on two stools at her house, so her dad gave us all a ride home, but like i said there were creeps walking around so he wouldnt let me walk from here to my aunties, and then i went there and went to sleep! tada

transatlanticism - death cab for cutie

i have nothing to do at all and its so quiet here, it makes me sad
but at the same time this is complete alone time and i'm also thankful for it

August 29th, 2008

List again, excuse the laziness

-Failed to sleep in
-Got up & whatnot
-Showered
-Laid around the house
-Listened to music
-Attempted to read but got bored
-Went uptown for ice cream with Alissa
-Stopped & talked to Kelsey at work
Crazy Sharon: OOOH WHERE'D THESE GIRLS COME FROM
Kelsey: My bum
CS: I wouldnt doubt it
CS: Thats what I was thinking too...
-Came home
-Family got all packed up
-Went and got Hailey from daycare
-Family left
-Went out for supper with Auntie and Bob
-Went creepin with Katlyn Michelle and our new friends ?
-Came back here and sang kareoke
-Went to Aunties & went to bed

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
I've listened to this song probably near 50 times in the past 24 hours

Important Sidenotes:
-Talked to Lae last night, I miss her more than anything in this world right now
-Found out that we most likely are not going to see ciwwaf etc meaning I most likely will not see my hero and I am most definitely not dealing well with this
-Yes I am posting a day late because Michelle & Katlyn were here and then drove me home meaning I had no time to get on
-My family is gone and this house is empty and I miss them to be honest

Please can this work out? Please

August 28th, 2008

List tonight
-Worked, very early!
-Cut my fingers open on the butter tub this morning :(
-Walked to work
-Stayed until 2 to learn how to work in the kitchen (hard stuff!)
-Came home
-Went straight to bed
(I listened to the new Jack's Mannequin, its so perfect)
-Woke up 3 hours later
-Came upstairs to find the house empty, I figured everyone went out for supper
-Lurked the internet
-Cause a family riot
-Worked it all out to stay back here instead of Sandy Lake this weekend
-Like I said, it turned into a huge fight
-Tried to find any sort of CSI on tv, but failed
-Went on a Jesse cruise with Michelle and Katlyn
-Met some creeps
-Came home
-Watched WETD (We're Experiencing Technical Difficulties, aka hilarious)

And CSI NY JUST FINISHED and I'm hitting the hay because I don't work tomorrow morning! Life is good, back to school soon, last weekend of summer will be spent at home. Monday is a possible girls day out?

Stockholm Syndrome - Blink 182

August 27th, 2008

I cant even begin to tell you how exhausted I was to wake up this morning, although I listened to The Honorary Title last night while I slept and waking up to it is definitely relaxing. I got ready and got a ride to work, nothing too intense happened, at all really. Katie B & Jlee stopped in before they went to Brandon for B's road test, she got her license! I walked left work and came back here, had lunch, went on the computer for a short period of time, then slept from 145 until 445. It was beyond well needed. I woke up and watched MOD because Jesse Mccartney was most definitely there! Hot damn. I lurked the internet again very briefly, and then we had supper and I went downstairs and attempted to clean. Except my brain is scattered so I ended up putting all my Warped pictures on my wall, with Hailey's help. We played dolls or something to that effect, then I got all my school stuff in order. Summer's over already, its crazy. During all this B texted me saying "we're outside your back door" while I was sitting in pj shorts and an Asteria shirt... so I threw on sweats and my lulu sweater and dragged myself out the door. I still had bedhead and dont remember the last time I looked in a mirror but whaaaatever. We went to B's, then to see Kelsey at work. There were some creepers there who laughed when I said crappin' instead of Capn Crunch. Yeah whatever, we went to Jennalee's. Katie got really upset in the car, partially because she was very very drunk haha, then we just kinda sat around until Jlee came back out then we went and picked up Kelsey. We went to White Owl and met up with Brett & Tanner & Colby, there were others but they ended up ditching us in the end. Everything was just sketchy tonight, pretty much. Jennalee's dad called and she just left even though she was the one driving Katie's car. Katie ran away? So B Brett Kelsey Tanner Colby and myself all squished into Katie's car to keep warm because it was freezing. Then me and Kels had to get out because they had to go find Katie, who got her mom to come pick her up and take her home.. so Kels Sean Dustin & I came back here, and then B Tanner Colby and Brett showed up not much later. We watched our good ol grade 5 video, which never fails to bring a laugh or two. B Brett & Tanner left and then Colby Sean Dustin Kels and I just watched the search for Elle Woods or something, and they left not too long ago because I need sleep but I had to do this first.

Run In The Front - Dear And The Headlights
What would I do without john o?

PS: Tasha had her baby today!!! Elysa Kyle!! 9 pounds 3 oz, 21 inches long! Crazy! Now I am only an auntie 6 times..
PPS: Today felt like one of those days in late fall when its so clear winter's coming and you can feel it in the air but you wear clothes that are too thin anyways because you refuse to agree that the snow's coming. And its only August..
PPPS (can you even do that?) I am trying to get out of going to Sandy Lake.. for once I want to spend my last week of summer here, crazy I know

August 26th, 2008

Woke up at 6 today, bright and early for work.. the walk was decent. The moon is still up when I walk to work, sad. Work was okay, some huge crew came in all at once and ordered half a million of the most random things. Nothing else really happened, I came home for about 10 minutes before Wendy came and picked me up to babysit Parker and Cameron. She drove me to her new house and then the boys and I went for a walk to go all over town. By the time we finished that and got back to the house, Wendy had returned. We talked for a bit and then she drove me home. B & I made a plan to hang out and have a picnic, and I was supposed to call her. So I listened to music, used the computer a bit, and showered, and then got ready and gave her a call. I went to the Swinging Bridge to meet her but she hadnt arrived yet so I called Michelle and visited her at the Museum. B showed up and we talked for a bit and then B and myself left and went to Whitfields and the bank. We walked back to B's and hung out there for a bit before deciding to go to Ann's to visit Jennalee. So we did so and ordered pecan buns, but ended up getting a side order of free deep fried mushrooms? Whaaaatever, so we talked to Jlee and Jaycie, then Katie showed up. We finished and paid and stole more mints than we could handle, then left to drive to Par West. Definitely restaurant hopping... We all got supreme fries and they were delish! Spicy though, during all this it started to pour outside, so when we were done we drove to Forbidden where B got a coffee and some candy stick and I got a Chai Latte! While we were there the entire place's power went off and everything was black.. it was terrifying.. We then went back to the hotel to talk to Jlee again, and then went to White Owl to rent a movie, and ended up getting Charlie Bartlett? Then went back to B's to find out her sister had bought the movie on paperview, so we drove BACK to White Owl and returned it (refund!) and then settled down at B's to watch the thing. Absolutely hilarious. Seriously. Very classy. We gave up near the end and drove back to White Owl and met up with a little crew. B creeped on Hudson the entire night and any girl with eyes wouldn't blame her, but it was hilarious. Jlee drove Kelsey & Sean & Hudson home, the rest of the group disappeared, and me Katie and B walked here to watch some documentary on a man with tree hands, and some baby with digestive problems. Awesome, I know. They just left and I need sleep because I work in 6 hours! Very bad, I know, and I didn't have a nap today either.. this is unfortunate news...

Oh well, goodnight & let it go
I Must Be Dreaming - The Maine

August 25th, 2008

List style again, I am getting lazy
-Woken up by mom at 745
-Had breakfast with her & Hailey
-Got ready to go shopping
-Drove to the city
-Got dropped off at Walmart
-Looked at random stuff
-Saw Jlee!
-Walked to Starbucks
-I had mango green tea and it was delish!
-Went to Wearhouse One & EB Games
-Went to Future Shop and fell in love with a stereo
-Went to Winners and tried on stupid shoes for the sake of laughing
-Went back to WalMart to wait for mom
-25 minutes later she showed up
-Got Hailey new shoes, Jayda's birthday gifts, school supplies, makeup, etc
-Went to the mall
-Had lunch!
-Looked at Reitmans and Coles
-Went to Payless
-Got two new pairs of shoes!
-Went to Zellers to find more of Jayda's gift
-Saw intense Vancouver 2010 sweaters!
-Got the usual "is that your natural hair?"
-Got Alissa a backpack
-Left & dropped Alissa off at her friends for the night
-Returned to the mall to get smoothies for me and mom (I paid!)
-Drove home (I actually drove some)
-Came home to find new FOB via the internet
-Downloaded that
-Listened to music
-Ate
-Lurked as usual
-Listened to more music
-Had the nicest bubble bath ever
-Watched CSI
-Came back on the computer, talked to Kay & Mallory

That is all, Lullaby - Jack's Mannequin
Absolutely beautiful

Oh hey, remember that time that Troy & Luke unscrewed the doorknob to the frenchroom and asked me and Michelle to go out and knock on the door so Mrs.B would come to open it but the handle would fall off? Except it actually didnt? And the door was broken? And everyone was trapped in the room? And Brynna & Sarah jumped through the window and ran around to the front of the school? And Troy & Luke sat in the classroom laughing while everyone freaked out? And they tried to get the door hinges off with a hammer? Then a spoon? And then we squished cookies underneath the door? And the janitor wouldn't help? And then when he finally did it couldnt be fixed? So he had to crawl through the window from the outside? And we spent that whole french class sitting in the hall laughing? I miss school

'Lately I'm not dreaming, so whats the point in sleeping?'

August 24th, 2008

list style
-woke up
-watched some cheetah girls movie (the one about india)
-watched hannah montana best of both words (but not in 3d)
-lurked the internet
-listened to music
-watched americas best dance crew finale
-showered
-listened to music
-lurked the internet
-watched olympic closing ceremonies
-been here since

i'm beyond ecstatic that supercr3w won abdc, so happy
but i myself am not doing so well this evening
sad and missing the past i never had
weird how that happens, you know?

jasey - atl, too hurt by this to stop listening to it

August 23rd, 2008

I went to bed at like 3 or 4 the night before and ended up waking up at 8, so sleep for me = zero. I woke up and had breakfast and didnt do anything but lurk the internet and shower and get ready to go to Shelley's wedding. We left at 2 and got to this GORGEOUS house, and drove down this huge hill to probably the most perfect place ever, its right by the Assiniboine River and it was the greatest place for a wedding! We met some other people and got seated, the wedding began and it was so good! They did keltic vows which are the neatest thing ever, it actually almost made me cry a couple times! Afterwards we basically just stood around and talked for a very long time, with the Kruks and the Gullets. Eventually it was time for supper, and the only thing I had eaten all day was toast & yogurt at breakfast so I was definitely hungry. The supper was SO good, Shelley told us that her mom made 43 dozen homemade perogies, insane! Everything was hand cooked and so good. The speeches were amazing too, afterwards we sat in our little group and talked about everything from grad to dog attacks. I love Matt's mom! haha, and Roger (Shelley's husband) can dance better than anyone I've seen! (Minus ABCD, and since I am writing this a day late - THE FINALE IS ON TONIGHT) Then they cut the cake! Which was also delicious, by this time it was like 930 so we decided we should probably head back, it cooled off so bad! We missed the fireworks :( but had to leave anyways, we got home and Alissa had friends over, so I played my guitar for quite a while, then went downstairs for a nap, but ended up falling right asleep, although beforehand my sister & co were banging their feet against the floor and everything else and flipping about, and had the computer and the tv cranked so I came up and asked them to be quiet and went back downstairs but they continued to be rude and loud even though I had asked them to shut up, so I called upstairs because I wasn't coming back down aha and told her to seriously stop it because it wasnt only bothering me but it was going to wake up Hailey. They still didnt quit but eventually I fell asleep anyways, and didnt get to talk to Mal :(

The Girls A Straight Up Hustler - All Time Low
I cried 3 times yesterday, twice because I listened to this album, and once because I listened to The Lion King OST, sad sad sad

August 22nd, 2008

So there has been a random Saskatchewan number that has been calling me, but I don't answer because I really have a minute fear of talking on the phone, and this person called me at 12 last night for some reason. I went to bed at 930 due to being just flat out exhausted. But going to bed early meant that I woke up at 4am, and by the time I went back to sleep and woke up at 6 I was tired for some reason, I hauled myself upstairs and got ready but the rain continued so mom came and picked up me up for a ride to work. Work today was somewhat good and somewhat of a gongshow, it was all good until Michelle came in to visit and then all of the sudden 20 people were there? Things got hectic and I forgot about a mans order and felt terrible, but then when I served it to him he said "So.. THIS is what I get?" and then I didn't feel bad anymore. Snapping at a 15 year old is really mature, he glared at me after that too. Then I dumped nasty warm espresso water all over me because my boss was there and just didn't think he should mention that the cups were full? So I came home from work and had lunch and listened to music for forever, and then we drove to pick up my sisters friend from camp, I lurked the internet and talked to Mallory after that (and yes this is going to be rushed because Katie just called) for a long period of time about many things, as usual. We had supper and then the power went out completely for almost an hour, I played guitar and attempted to play monopoly with my sister and her friend Alex but it didn't work, the power came back on and we decided to go to White Owl, it's miserable outside. I got Snapple, that I've never had before, and it is so good! I listened to more music, and I am now at this point in time, the night is not over but I knew I wouldn't have time to finish it later, as I said Katie called and is on her way home so I am going to get ready and hang out with them and possibly go to the party at B's even though B is in Ontario for the Canada Games! Get back atcha...

Circle Of Life Reprise - The Lion King OST (dont judge..)

So last night sure played out... Jennalee and Kelsey picked me up and we went to Jennalee's where the two of them got ready, Kelsey went to turn on the dryer and the thing that takes the dust outside shot into the house and almost hit Kelsey in the face hahaha, so anyways Katie showed up and debuted her asian face, then we dressed up like trailer trash, then we decided to go drive around, when we left Alanna called saying that she really wanted to hang out with us so we met her at White Owl and she said we could pregame at her house then walk to Caleighs, so we did just that, we played random drinking games which are always fun, then right before we left Kelsey accidentally shit on Alanna's lawn? Not sure how that works, at all... but Jennalee and I cried from laughing for like 5 hours, we began to walk and ran into some random group, I talked to Bobby about that time she was at my house in grade six.... (?) And then we continued on and ran into Taylor going to her grandmas, she was clearly upset and sort of just walked right by when we attempted to talk to her, so no problem! We hid in the bush to ditch the other random group we met up with, and then continued on to Caleighs, when we got there nothing was going down really, we got there probably around 12, its so weird being there without Brynna, then all of the sudden fights started breaking out and the drama started, there was 2 fights that I am sure of, then I felt bad because Caleigh was upset so I cleaned all of the beer bottles and caps and spills around B's kitchen, I just chilled in the house by myself because I'm not into drama, Alanna came in and said we had to go, so I left Caleigh a note & left and almost everyone had disappeared, I walked home with Alanna Andrew Taylor Jeremy and Jenna and then got home and came to the computer because its what I do, I talked to Kay & dissed Caleb, another thing that has become quite regular, then Mallory came on around 3 and so I talked to her, I dont remember the last time I was up that late, it is ridiculous!

What I Got - M.I.A

August 21st, 2008

So I woke up nice and early, 6am thanks to my alarm, I came upstairs and watched the Olympics and had my breakfast consisting of a muffin, and it was at this point that I heard the thunder, so I looked outside and it was still dark, but appeared not to be raining, so I went upstairs to get ready and all of the sudden the day after tomorrow started going on outside :( it sounded like a freight train honestly there was so much rain and hail, I was picking up the phone to call my mom at work for a ride when it just stopped all of the sudden, so I looked outside and it was no longer raining/hailing, so I took that opportunity to walk to work, it was no better or worse than usual, that time passed and then I wrote down my hours and collected the group of things I had left there, and walked home, it was so sticky and hot outside. I got home and made myself a pita sandwhich which was delish! I went downstairs and listened to music for a period of time and then came upstairs to sit my derriere at the computer, at this point the boy I babysit came to the door. He wondered if at any point in time I would be giving away our pool table, because they wanted it? I said we might be eventually and he said ok and then left. So I went back to my previous position and he returned again with his brother and they wanted to go see the pool table, so I said go for it but wasn't in the mood to follow them around so they just went down to my room to see it, then ended up looking for one of the balls that was missing, then they were told by whoever was babysitting them that they needed to go home, so they left. And I settled myself again, and they came back again, now with some random friend of theirs and asked to see the pool table again, so I really didnt care at this point and said go ahead, and then they were bringing up stuff because they were moving my furniture in my room? and they wanted flashlights to look in the ceiling? and like wtf so finally I told my sister to tell them they had to go home because I was getting annoyed, so she did, and they did, and then by this point I had the house to myself and had pb&j on a scottish bun (so good!) and watched The Maine videos for way too long. From acoustic videos to tour videos I was entertained for the rest of the afternoon, I made the decision to go downstairs and listen to music once again when mom came home from work, meaning she was going to rest for a bit and I could no longer do that! So I rounded up my stuff and had a shower and tried something new with my hair, it actually turned out for once, except my hair is waaaay too short for my liking, so anyways, after that my mom was awake and we went up to the bank! I took out money to pay her for my sp/cute/metro ticket and my cell phone bill of the month, and then we picked up Hailey from Daycare and came home! I listened to music once again because its what I do, we had supper and it was totally the type of supper we have on cold sundays in winter, I'm excited for winter to fall, but once it does I'll wish it wasn't here. After supper I pretty much have been in this position only, computer and watching the olympics, it's only 845 and it feels like 1am, I talked to my cousins Shane & Isaac and Farida for the longest time, and now I am here! Half watching CSI, if there is another episode on afterwards I will watch it or maybe just crash! Work at 6am tomorrow and then the weekend :) I am happy, oh and I just ate yogurt & berries, aka the tastiest healthy snack ever!

Yule Shoot Your Eye Out - Fall Out Boy
(totally not the right season... I know)

Hey, remember that time?

When Brynna Brett & I were at the Career Symposium? And we wanted free stuff? So we talked to that random insurance lady? And she asked us if we had ever heard of Dick Pound? And we all laughed out loud? And it made things really awkward? And the lady herself was trying not to laugh? And Brett was crying from trying so hard not to laugh? And then we got our free stuff and left laughing?

Good times...

August 20th, 2008

so I woke up with the best dream of my life, which I will add in tomorrow because my sister needs online except I am doing this first, like I said I went to bed at 11 last night and woke up at 1030 this morning so a huge sleep for me, I woke up and shut off my music & fan and just laid in the quiet forever because I love when this house is silent, I came upstairs and had a muffin for a small breakfast, and then I watched the Olympics as usual, and then lunch arrived so I looked through our cupboards and realized all we have is canned tomatoes, I am unsure of why, so I made myself some soup and a bun & watched the weekenders, when that was done I did my chores and emptied the dishwasher and cleaned the bathroom and gave miracle grow to all my flowers 8) I listened to music in my room for the longest time until Katie called that we could hang out and she was coming into town, etc so I got ready and waited for her to come, and she showed up in her dad's like intense yellow corvette? so we went to forbidden flavors and jennalee and kelsey showed up as well, we talked & ate food and whatnot then Katie and I just drove around town to feel sweet, which we did, except we seriously almost killed a frail old man and I almost cried, so Katie dropped me off and I went back downstairs and listened to more music again, and then found the most amazing jewelry site, and then ate supper, Alissa Hailey & I went to the white owl after supper and I got a drumstick 8) mmm, then we went over to Kim & Richards since it was Kims birthday, the wasps were crazy, Brayden & Colin showed up and so I sat over there for quite a while, and then came home and talked to Mallory after her internet was down aaaall day, and I've definitely done nothing since except sit here and talk to Kay.. and now I am going to bed because I work in 6 hours, early morning shifts are so awesome

Wine Red - The Hush Sound

Okay update on the dream! It was crazy, it started out with my getting fired from work, then I met up with Mallory and we hid in a store here because The Maine were in town and staying in an apartment across the street? So we played knock knock ginger and some girl answered and was like HI GIRLS THE BOYS ARE DOWNSTAIRS!! So we went down and met them all and we were hanging out with them and playing ps2 and whatnot, and then we had to go and were so upset about having to leave but they all told us to come back tomorrow, so we went upstairs to talk to the random lady in this apartment with them and then Mallory & I were talking about Kennedy and she said "The only bad thing about Kennedy is the size of his parts...." and that is most definitely the highlight of the dream, 100% so then the next day we went to try to get my job back, and it was a no, but when we left Alex G was standing outside and was like HEY GIRRRLS WHATSSUP? So we waved at him and then went to go back to this apartment, and we hung out with all of them again and had a huge singsong fest type deal, and then they said they were leaving to go back on tour, or something. So we joined in a huge hug and all cried (?) and then said our goodbyes and left, so we were walking past the post office and Caleb & Kyle from FTSK pull up in front of the funeral home in some effed up car, and Mallory was like "HEY, BABY!!" because apparently we are friends with them too, but there was fangirls around them and they couldnt hear us so she kept on yelling, and for some reason we referred to Caleb as "Cho" so Mallory yelled "MIGHT AS WELL CALL YOU HO, NOT CHO" ha! Then the two of them noticed us and said to their fangirls that they were sorry, but we were their bffs and we had to be on our way, so we got in this car and drove off to church and it was done.

All of my dreams either involve The Maine, ATL, or FTSK, and theyre all amazing and make me sad when I wake up from them, if dreams are supposed to mean something I have no idea what this all means.. They're all insanely random and usually involve Mallory as well... Who knows!

In the spirit of saying goodbye to Summer...

I decided to do something sort of in the style of a 365, but much less work
I'm writing now about yesterday, August 19th 2008, and I'm going to keep journal entries of each day in the last 2 weeks of Summer, to wind it down and give myself something to do, so here it begins!

August 19th 2008,
Michelle stayed the night, we went to bed in early hours of the am, and unfortunately woke up the same, mom called around 830 since Michelle worked at 10, we cheated and went back to sleep until about 920, Michelle showered then we had a nice breakfast of toast and koolaid, who cares about being healthy these days? Michelle went to work at 10, and I lurked the internet and watched the Olympics until about 1130 when I dragged myself back downstairs to go back to sleep. I woke up around 1 and layed in bed enjoying the greatest cd mix I've ever made and the sunshine pouring through my windows, eventually I left my bed and straightened my room & went upstairs for a shower. While I was doing so Michelle stopped in and picked up her bag and such. After my shower I listened to music in my room for quite a lengthy time (life is interesting) around 4-430ish I came back up to lurk the internet once more. Family chaos broke out right before supper, but whats new? I had supper and then lurked the internet for a bit longer before returning downstairs to listen to more music. Can you tell this is all I do? I came back upstairs and watched the Olympics & talked to Kirstyn about the 6 Degrees Of Jeff Czum, which really does exist. We linked him to everyone from The JB to Kevin Bacon, I then went and curled up with a blanket to watch the Olympics and to wait to talk to Mallory, but ended up realizing I was exhausted at 1030... So I brushed my teeth and whatnot and went downstairs and crashed out, and that concludes Day 1... Interesting life I lead no? I can tell this is going to be fun...

Red Light Pledge (Acoustic) - Silverstein

One very Warped Tour...

It far exceeded anything I thought it could be
It was first and hopefully nowhere near my last

Monday August 4th
We stayed at the Seven Oaks in Regina and visited with family, Alissa and I went watersliding with Shane and Isaac and Frankie! That pretty much sums up what happened on day one...

Tuesday August 5th (!!!!)
My phone failed to set off its alarm so we woke up at 650, everyone got ready and we went for breakfast with Wendy, we ended up not leaving Regina until 820, Saskatoon is 2.5 hours away so we were aiming to get there right at 11 when gates opened...

We hit Saskatoon at like 1055, and stopped quickly at a walmart to get water and a backpack for my mom to carry around, then we ended up heading on our way to the place at like 1110, this is when my dad decided to get an idea that the mapquest directions were wrong, and refused to follow them, so we're driving and only somewhat sure of where we're going, then Caleigh text me saying All Time Low was playing in 10 minutes... So I told dad and he said there was no way we would be there in 10 minutes, so I started freaking out (on the inside) a little bit, and then it was 1130.. then 1135.. then 1140... and we ended up getting lost and taking wrong turns etc, then Caleigh phoned me and they were playing Coffee Shop and I started bawling in the car which just made my dad mad at me, then I saw the Credit Union Center and we ended up getting there at 1150, I was still crying and mom and I went in and went to the Hurley stage where they were playing and I heard Jasey & Dear Maria and then felt almost completely defeated since I drove the 7 hours looking forward to seeing them and then missed them, there wasn't much to do at that point about the situation, so we went to the blowup schedule and wrote down everyone I wanted to see

Mom and I then decided to just walk around and get a feel of where everything was since there was no one I was dying to see play at the moment, so we watched some crazy breakdancers, like america's best dance crew going on... and we watched a pair of guys beat the crap out of garbage cans and other things, it sounded beyond awesome, then we just sort of circled the place and eventually my mom said she was going to go inside and look around and then look for the reverse daycare.. so I was walking around and saw Caleb from ftsk standing with Jac I believe but the skank scattered off and he was just standing there by himself.. and no one was talking to him, which suprised me... I was nervous to go over to him but said screw it and went over anyways, I waved and he said YOU KNOW WHO I AM! and gave me a highfive, and I said yes of course! And told him that I couldn't wait to see them play at 445, and he gave me another highfive and told me I was awesome for knowing who they were, he told me that the count was only at 4000 people and usually at other warpeds there is more like 20000 people and that it was a nice break to not have people swarming everywhere, then he said GUESS WHAT!! we're playing an acoustic set in this trailer behind you and I here! and I asked if it was invitation only and he said yes :( but.. hmm, yes it is i guess.. dammit, well COME TO OUR SIGNING THEN! and I said I was planning on it! during our conversation no one ever recognized who he was or came up to talk to him or anything... and while we were talking he would touch my shoulder or back or waist... it was sort of weird but I am not complaining! Then he said WEEELLL I think we should get a picture! So I gave him my camera and he took the picture, then gave me a highfive and held my hand after for some reason.. and then said he told me I better keep going cause he didnt want me to miss anything.. he gave me a huge hug and said thank you! bye sweetheart! and waved when I left :)

I went to ATL's merch because their signing was starting soon.. plus I wanted a shirt! And thankfully when I went there was no other girls there buying stuff, so I went to the tent and Delish was like HI! HOW ARE YOU? So I said I was good and that I wanted a shirt but wasn't sure which one! He told me I'd be a small and showed me every single type of small shirt they had left haha, so I picked one and paid for it.. Then he gave me $5 back so I gave it back to him as a tip, and he was like OH MY GOD! And reached across the table to give me a hug, and he said thank you so much you have no idea how much it means, you are so awesome, here you have to take one of these right now! And gave me an atl poster and he told me to go to their signing at 2 and I said I was on my way! I thanked him for the shirt and he said no, thank you!

It was like 120 at this point, so I went to the myspace tent and there was a couple girls sitting in there.. so I asked if there were around for All Time Low and they said yes! So I asked if I could sit with them and they said of course! So I met Alannah and Stacey who had seriously.. a creepily amount of things in common with me, everything I said they said us too! Or vice versa, so then the lady asked us to get in a line and we were like 5th in line, I talked to them from 130 until 2 when All Time Low showed up and it turned out that they wanted to see everyone I wanted to see so we made a plan to hang out the rest of the day together! ATL finally showed up and the lady had spent so much time making the table for them all nice and putting drinks for each of them and sharpies and everything, then Alex came running across and flipped over the table and seriously it almost broke and all the drinks and sharpies fell on the ground and Zack was like WTF hahaha, but the signing started... Zack didnt say anything, Jack said hi and giggled because he's on crack, Alex said hello and thanks for coming, and Rian smiled which is good enough :) then Matt was standing behind them so I asked him if he could sign it too, and he said of course! and he was with some guy that was helping out with the myspace tent and he was like she asked YOU to sign it?! aaaahhh nooooooo! (it was weird) then I told Matt that it meant a lot that they came all the way out here, and he said thank you, and I said no really, it means SO much, and then he just gave me a hug so it was all good :)

Stacey and Alannah were then going to see Katy Perry and the FTSK signing was going to start so we made a plan to meet up at Mayday Parade! I ran to ftsk's merch to get a poster to be signed, and then I gave their merch guy a $5 tip as well and he screamed like a little girl and told me I was awesome :) so I ran back to the modlife trailer and got a wristband so I could go to ftsk's signing, my mom and I stood in line and there was a smaller band playing at the stage beside it and there was honestly at the most 10 people there... I felt bad :( eventually the signing began and jonathan was first and said HI DEBBIE!! and I said ....close enough, hahaha then when I came to Caleb he said ITS MY SWEETHEART! and rubbed my arm and then waved when I moved on, then austin & kyle were at the very end and kyle said HI IM AUSTIN and shook my hand, then austin said NO IM AUSTIN and shook my hand, then kyle said ACTUALLY IM KYLE and shook my hand again then said THIS IS MY BUDDY AUSTIN, HE'S AN ASSHOLE
hahaha then he told the girl after me that his buddy austin was a really great guy, haha

so then when all that was over ATL's signing had just ended and Alex & Matt went into the rockband tent, so I went in there and Alex saw me looking at him and he waved so I went over and he hugged me without me even saying anything, then he said hello! how are you? so I said I was good but I didn't get to see them play, and he said I know I'm sorry it was so fucking early! And I said I live 7 hours from here and we were in the city and then got lost right as soon as gates opened and I missed your set and I was so so upset, and he said seriously? i am so, so sorry, really, and gave me another hug, and then I said but I caught the last two songs and went to your signing and now I am talking to you so it is all good! and he gave me another hug and then said that he was so sorry again, he had his hands on my shoulders and was talking down to me like a very understanding parent.. hahah then he said i think your mom wants a picture! so we were just about to get one but I had my glasses on so i said no stop! and i took them off and alex told me i was crazy haha, so I said I said I would be on my way, but I told Alex that I was so grateful they came, and he gave me ANOTHER hug, and I said thank you! have a good day! and he said no thank you! I hope your day is amazing! we left the rockband tent and rian was right there, so I said hi to him! and he asked how I was and I said good, and he said he was too.. then my mom took a picture and he said he had to go and was sorry and he scooted off.. it was rushed but he was so sweet about it anyway

so then I ended up getting confused about which stage Mayday was on and figured it out after they had started :( but I still got to hear Jersey, Black Cat, I'd Hate To Be You etcetc, and 3 CHEERS FOR 5 YEARS! so glad they played it :) Their crazy haired guitarist pointed at me and smiled because I was singing all the words, so they finished up and I found my friends again and we just stayed barricade because Automatic Loveletter played next, then Jack walked by behind us and Alannah & Stacey told me to ask him to come watch automatic loveletter with us, so I called his name but he didn't hear and we didn't want to lose our spot at the front so we just stayed, ALL started and Juliet Simms is so tiny and beautiful, I'm so jealous! her voice is perfect too, about half way through their set it started to spit a little, and then it turned into quite heavy rain and at least 80% of the people outside went into the credit union center, and if you listen to the songs 'hush' and 'parker' by automatic loveletter you can only imagine how absolutely perfect it was to be seeing them live/singing along with them in the pouring rain, it was probably the most perfect moment of the day for me, it felt so amazing, when they finished juliet thanked everyone for sticking it out and said they'd be at their merch tent after and we should all come say hi, so we headed on over there and like.. honestly there was no one left except the fans that stayed to watch bands play, everywhere else was empty, it was raining pretty damn hard and then we started to realize it was actually pretty cold...

we went to automatic loveletter's tent and juliet was running there also and she said you guys are so awesome! seriously thank you so much, you guys look freaking cold! so she signed our stuff and wrote warm up!! =) on all of it hehe :)

so then we decided we should go inside and go to the washroom since the rain was dying down and all the wimps that had gone inside before were now coming back out, so we went in and then Alannah got really pale and didnt feel well and had to take aspirin, but she said she was ok, and we met up with my mom and told her we were going to see FTSK and then we headed over there and there was already a lot of people at the ernie ball stage! we squished through and got fairly close and then Stacey and Alannah said that actually they were going to the Mayday signing and that I could just meet them there after, so I said ok! and danced my ass off to ftsk all by my lonesome and it was perfectly fine haha, so much fun! except they were like 10 minutes late so they only played four songs :( when they were finished I walked past the side of their stage and caleb came down and waved at me so I went over and said I told you people knew who you were! and he was like man I know I was so suprised! and sort of hugged me then he goes HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THE PLANE CRASH?! and i was like what?! no! where?! and hes like RIGHT OVER THERE! and i was like did you see it?! and he's like YEAH OMG IT WAS SO SCARY IT LIKE BLEW UP AND OMG HOLY SHIT and then some other guy popped up and was like dude in Canada plane crashes like that happen all the time, and Caleb was like what? and he's like yeah crop planes? they go down constantly like crash here and there all the time, we had to move out of my old house because whenever we fixed it up another plane would fall from the sky and just destroy it! and caleb had the most stunned look on his face ever hahah and then he goes YOURE KIDDING ME! and the guy laughed and he was like oh my god i thought you were serious! hahahaha, so then the other guy left... and I said thank you to Caleb for coming all the way to Canada and he said thank you too and gave me a huge hug then jac showed up and he left with her

so we were walking around and I actually almost ran into kyle from ftsk, he said hello there how are you! and i said good and he said me too! and then he just put his arm around me and like pulled me really close to him and i was very confused as to what he was doing... then i looked over and my mom was standing there with the camera and then it made a little bit more sense... hahaha except since i'm a midget and kyle is the bleach blonde giant my mom had to back up a fair ways to actually get us both in the picture, and while she was doing so she ran right into a HUGE scary hardcore guy that was rocking out to norma jean and he was very unimpressed... so both kyle and i were laughing when the picture was taken, and he said ENJOY YOURSELF! and i said you too! thank you and we continued on, we found our friends just on the way to we the kings! so I went with them and we were just waiting for norma jean to end and they did and everyone left so we got up to the barricade and waited for WTK, and to be honest I had never listened to their music before so I felt so bad being up there and not knowing any of their songs, especially when the band members would come out and look directly at me and I wasn't singing the words :( but they are so hilarious and kept on going on about how they were so happy to be playing in their hometown saskatoon... hahaha and then halfway through Alannah Stacey and I noticed Jack was sidestage watching so we were detirmined to find him afterwards, and then WTK finished and we went over to their merch a few minutes after and Travis was there and he said HI YOURE SMILING! and i said yes! and he said are you happy?! and i said yes! and he said just happy to be alive?! and i said very much so! and he said what can i do for you? so i explained to him that i had never actually listened to them before and after watching them live i definitely wanted their cd, and he was like THATS PERFECT! i can do that for you! and told the merch guy to sit down because he could 'handle this one' so he gave me the cd and i asked him if it would be alright if he could sign it, and he said yes and noticed i was having trouble getting the plastic off haha, he said I AM SO RUDE IM SORRY, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT TOO! so he took off the plastic and opened it and signed it and thanked me so much for caring enough to listen to them, he told us how theyre coming back to canada but not during the winter because all the bands say not to come to canada in the winter because you'll slide off the roads and die, its sad but.. somewhat true

then Travie from GCH walked by behind us and Travis from WTK (two at once!) said that we all needed to go talk to him because he was a crazy cool guy, so we went to talk to him and he just walked away... so I ran up to him and asked him if he could sign the shirt I got B, and he mumbled something and signed the shirt with the same hand he had his smoke in.. then Alannah & Stacey asked him for a picture and he hunched over like an animal and walked away, he was so crazy stoned I cant even imagine what was going through his head

So then we went and found our parents who had become friends by this point! haha, and we watched MCS from the very back and they are so very good live! Then we saw Rian walking around and Alannah and Stacey had never met him so they wanted to meet him so we followed him around but realized he was on his phone and he caught on to the fact we were stalking him 8) and tried running away.. hahahah and succeeded because we lost him, then we decided to take a walk all over in an attempt to find jack, and just at the very end of our loop I spied him and Vinny behind some closed off area, so we felt defeated haha except they came out and walked right towards us! I asked how they both were and Vinny didnt answer because.. he's Vinny but Jack was like SUPER!! because he's such a weirdo, then he was like OOOH BOY ALL 3 OF YOU HAVE CAMERAS! VINNY TAKE OUR PICTURES! so Vinny took pictures with Alannah & Stacey's cameras and then I gave him mine and Jack said ooooooh girl you better give him a good tip! hahaha Jack's crazy, I said thanks and he was like no problemo! GOODNIGHT! and then him & Vinny walked away and Jack took Vinny's hand and was skipping with him and rubbing his hair, I don't think I could get sick of Jack.... ever

So we felt very accomplished at that point and it was 830ish and we went and found our parents again, and Stacey's mom said that she could give me and my mom a ride back to the hotel so we were heading out when we saw Rian again watching MCS, so I went and asked him if he'd mind taking a picture with Alannah and Stacey, so I took the picture and then said thank you and he gave his perfect smile and went back to watching MCS, we then left the building and it felt SO good to sit down haahah, we arrived at the hotel and I said goodbye and we had exchanged phone #s earlier so I would be talking to them again, we went up to our room and I pretty much collapsed..

Here is some things that I remember happening just not exactly when they played out throughout the day:
Charlotte Sometimes merch guy pointed me out of the crowd and told me to come over so I did and he said if I told him a joke he'd give me a prize.. I told him I only knew one joke and it was crazy cheesy but he told me to tell it anyways, so I told him my classical 'how'd tigger get stuck in the toilet?' joke and he laughed at how terribly corny it was and gave me a free balloon 8)
We signed up for some free trip and while my mom was doing it the guy asked me if my school offers grad trips, I ended up telling him all about how we're going to the 2010 olympics in Vancouver and he thought it was so so awesome but way too expensive, and all about the tickets and whatnot, it turned into quite the conversation actually... but we didn't win a trip :(
Right before we left some big crazy weedman came up to Alannah Stacey and I and asked DO YA'LL HAVE ANY ZIGZAGS?! we replied with a ........no because I don't think the 3 of us really put off the image that we would have any... he should've asked travie :)

Here's a rundown of how my spendings went:
I started out with $500
I had to pay for one of the hotel rooms - $150
Massive brownie for myself alissa & shane - $7
Breakfast the morning before we left Regina - $10
Vans Warped Tour Shirt - $20
Thiscityisburning Records Shirt - $20
FTSK Shirt - $20
ATL Shirt - $25
Shirt I got for B! - $20
Tips to merch guys :) - $10
FTSK Poster - $5
We The Kings CD - $10
Hopeless Sampler - $2
LuluLemon Sweater I bought in Saskatoon the day after - $120 (Ouch!)
So my grand total spent comes to $419 leaving me with 81$ (ish)
Even though some of that is in my wallet and some of it is in my bank account,
I am using it to buy myself a ticket for Ciwwaf & Metro Station :)

Oh and to make it even more perfect I finished it all off with giving a homeless man money right outside the Lulu store in Saskatoon, something I've always always always wanted to do, he said bless your soul and it made me feel amazing :)

Life is so good my friends
I couldn't have asked for anything more

They asked me to say my last words, but they were my first words

Regardless of whether or not it makes a difference to you, it means the world to me, I am only here because of you and I cannot do anything to let you know, because to be honest there's no way any human could ever reveal that kind of care, its impossible, you make me strive to be the greatest person on this planet, and the only reason I do it is so I can feel that I'm good enough for you, I want to help you even a fraction of the amount you've helped me, you are a part of me and you don't even know it, you are the reason I breathe and you hold me down when I need holded down, and you pick me up when I need picked up, and the thing that scares me the most is that you are holding my life in place and its possible you could never realize it, I want so much for you to reassure me that I really am okay, and I know being anywhere close to you will make me feel like the safest human in this universe, you bring out a side in me I didn't even know I had, you make me feel like the most worthy person in the world and I couldn't tell anyone why, you are truly so unreal to me that at times I'd rather think of you as just not being real, I want to keep you a secret, I want to keep you in my pocket, I want you to forever remain as the true hero you are, I do not ever want to disappoint you, I do not ever want to feel disappointed in you, I do not want to see the reason I breathe face to face, I am scared that I will never make my point, I know I will never make my point, Its impossible, I love you, I really do

I havent done this in forever

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sparksmokes/
Its on fire

All of my faces are alibis

Im busy
and lazy

also known as, Im not finishing the previous post anytime soon

Im starting to believe theres something in the water here
everyone appears to be going crazy
I feel left out

or maybe relieved

I don't know

Where the hell have I been?

Couldn't tell you, I apologize though

Everything in the world has been happening
I, as usual, am having trouble keeping up

I have finished:
Exams
Work at the Greenhouse
School
Basketball Camp

and probably many others

I'm now working at forbidden flavors, and not quite enjoying it, at all really, all it makes me do is miss the greenhouse and wish I was anywhere but there, sure its money but I am struggling a bit

My skin is toasting and I no longer feel albino
I haven't seen anyone from this town minus Brayden & Ben in reaching two weeks
I'm starting to lose my head a little bit

I was at Sandy Lake the past 2 weekends
its the usual, we drink, funny stuff happens

This past weekend I only went friday - sunday, but previous it was friday - tuesday
I think this past weekend tops the previous
So I'll explain it
Since I lack too much sleep to do both

Friday I had my last day basketball camp at neelin, its tough but its something I love
Ben & Bray met me outside after and we hung around waiting for my parents
we went to the mall and saw syd & hannah for a short period of time before heading cross city to a subway, the subway guy was creepy and ben and brayden got a hoot out of it but I didnt so much, i got my sub then kirby & baylea showed up on their way from winnipeg, me ben and bray moved all our stuff into his truck, piled in, and we headed for sandy lake, we almost got hit by a train, it was dece, we arrived at like 9something and threw all of our belongings into the tent camper that was setup since our usual stay in cabin4 was being used, we started going for a walk but gave up due to misquitoes, we watched kung pow or some dumb shit like that, it was hilarious but as soon as it was over i couldnt believe i wasted my time on it, we grouped around bayleas laptop and watched youtube videos for hours, until we realized that it was 430am and made a group decision to just not go to bed, we watched mainly videos about 'el chupacabras' and whatnot, then by the time 6 rolled around the boys decided to go for a swim

continuing tomorrow

Band Tour, May 7th - 10th

Regina, SK


wednesday day one
we left school at around 12 after we loaded everything up
we drove to hartney and enjoyed sitting there for hours practicing
we left hartney at 430 and headed off for regina
we got there at around 730 (saskatchewan time now)
i watched csi ny at 8 while everyone went to the pool
it was very good :)
after it was done i changed into my bathing suit and went down
i wasnt really in the mood to swim so me michelle and sarah just went in the sauna
after that i went back into my lovely room with alanna and shelby and amber and went to sleep

thursday day two
i woke up and went to michelle sarah candace and julia's room and showered
we got ready and went down for breakfast around 730
i had a belgian waffle with peaches
it was delish!
we went back up to the room (michelles room) and got changed into our uniforms
and we went to the first school - ecole connaught
we couldnt find it at first and drove in circles in a charter bus forever
we finally found it and set up in this huge circular gym
all the kids were out for recess and they were amazed by us
the kids came in and we played for them
we were terrible our first concert but they clapped along and cheered
we packed everything back up and when we were putting things back in the bus
all the little kids were telling us they loved us and they were all waving
they were cute
then we went out for lunch, but i wasnt really hungry
we stopped at a mall attached to a walmart
michelle and i went to the walmart and got softlips 8)
we circled around the mall and looked everywhere
i didnt buy anything since we were going shopping on friday
we got back on the bus and went and found out second school - dieppe
this school creeped me out majorly
the principal was probably a pedophile
we played good but the kids had no enthusiasm
so i was glad to get out of there
we packed up and went back to the hotel
we went swimming and got the waterslide shut down
because we werent following the rules :x
it was fun though heh
we went and got ready for the dinner theatre
we went to the dinner theatre at 615ish
we got seated, alanna refused to sit with us
we talked to our server who played the dentists sister in the play
she was hilarious
she made fun of candace
we had salad and breadrolls and crackers for entrees
we ordered our meals and i ordered beef (which was gross)
but i wasnt feeling well at all anyways
the play didnt start until 830..
it was 'werewolves of lumsden'
it was really good, just too long and drawn out for my liking
they sang so many sweet songs, thriller was my favorite
they include the audience so well
our waitress' character was looking for love
and she picked a boy from our band and one girls dad
the play was extremely sexual..
i was suprised
it ended at 1130, way too late
we drove back to the hotel and went right to bed
i went to my actual room and just went to sleep

friday day three
i woke up and realized i didnt borrow one of the room keys from the other girls
so i went and quietly knocked on the door and julia was up
i showered and had a muffin and juice and got ready
we got on the bus at 915 and went to our first school of day two - rosemont
it was tied for the sketchiest of the four with dieppe school
when we came in all the kids called us losers and so we set up
the principal/music teacher from the first school also taught at our 3rd and 4th schools
so he was there again
we played well again
the kids were complaining to leave in the middle of it
so we finally got out of there and packed up and went to a strip mall type deal
we went into dairy queen but it was right full so we trucked it over to mr sub
it was good, strange not to have subway
me michelle and brayden stopped at dollarama
we bought fireman, army, and ninja suits
and sunhats
we went back to the bus
ethan and tom wrote a song about dilly bars
as hilarious as it was, it was actually really good
we went to the second school of the day, our last school to play for - walker school
isaacs school, glenda and wendy showed up to watch
we had tons of time to kill so we walked around the school
michelle and i met the most adorable little boy ever
i really wish i could have brought him home
we saw him in the hall doing the macarena and he said
'hey girls! come look! this boy is shaking his butt!'
he told he got kicked out of class and that he ripped his shirt he wore for picture day
he was in like grade two
aaaaaah
we went and sat with brayden and ethan
brayden was telling some cute ghetto kid to pull the fire alarm
the two of them were just jamming on guitar
eventually it was time to start
we played, really well, and the school was way into it
it was my favorite of the four, just ahead of the first school
i went and talked to glenda and wendy after
they left and we packed up and all the kids were talking to us
we headed back to the hotel
and went to cornwall center!
we went shopping
i got a new bag a new wallet and a new bathing suit
i spent under $60!
the girl from smart set asked me where i got my valencia sweater
i told her from their concert and she asked 'did you go to tourzilla too!?'
we ended up talking about all time low, and the ap tour, and warped tour
she told me that maybe she'd see me there
you never know!
we got back to the hotel and i left right away to go out for supper
isaac and wendy drove me to red lobster
and i had supper with isaac wendy frank and glenda!
i tried escargo and calamari and as disgusting as it was to eat
it tasted pretty dece, i had a seafood salad and talked with them forever
ive missed them!
by the time it was done i had to get to laser quest
so i got there and michelle and i went to put on our outfits
(we brought masks to wear but never told anyone)
but it ended up being way too hot to wear them
we started off in laser quest, my codename was OTIS
i placed 18th out of 23 :x
but me michelle taylor and rinautta made a nice alliance
our 'marshall' was a douchebag
michelle and i just aimed our lasers in his eyes
while the other group was going we played some ring toss game
the hula hoop slipped at the last second when i went
it ended up landing right around the douchebag leader we had
his hair was like pee yellow
haaaaa
we got to go again and we kept our alliance going
my codename this time was FIRECRACKR ha!
i placed 3rd out of 21!
while the other group was going
michelle and i just majorly creeped on the douchebag with our masks on
and everyone else in the place
the other group finished and came out
we went to get back on the bus and creeped out more people along the way
there was a guy outside the hotel that said
'AH YOU SCARED THE EFF OUT OF ME'
haaaa
i chased michelle around the hotel with mine
and stood on the pools balcony and just stood there with my plastic axe
(from the fireman suit)
and scared everyone in the pool and hottub
there was a huge war going on on our entire floor
we had nerf guns and blowup jousting sticks and we were running around
causing chaos and whatnot
we finally calmed down and the chaperones were just getting us back into our rooms
(my actual room)
and the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate the whole hotel
after five minutes they let us back in because somebody pulled the alarm on the first floor
i took one of michelles room keys and went to bed in my own room

saturday day four
i woke up and went to the other girls room
i fell asleep in there for a bit and candace went and showered
i showered then and got ready and packed everything of mine from that room
we went down and had breakfast
i had the waffle with peaches again :)
we went back up to the room and packed up absolutely everything
got a trolley ;)
brought it all down and packed it up and went off to moosejaw
we got there and took the al capone tour first and since i knew all its tricks
i tricked everyone into standing in certain places and whatnot
when it was done we went right into the chinese tunnel
it was sad :( i hadnt been on it before
after it was done we went to the moosejaw fudge factory
also known as heaven
they have gelato which is italian whipped ice cream
and it is beyond delicious
we got free samples of any gelato and any fudge we wanted
candaces mom bought us all gelato, i got vanilla toffee :)
we went back and got on the bus and went and stopped for lunch
i didnt eat anything but we went to pizza hut
we went back got on the bus and headed home!

extras:
it was 4 hours to get to regina and 5 hours to get from moosejaw to here
we watched the ringer, alvin and the chipmunks, cloverfield, and i am sam on the bus
i'll add more as i remember it
candace says way too many hilarious things
at rosemont school two boys were looking at my flute and one was pressing the buttons then the second came up and just started sucking on the end of it, it was awkward and i couldnt really pull it out of his mouth because certain parts are sharp

I love my hero

Its snowing

march 30th-31st 2008

brynna's sweet sixteen party
royal oak
houstons

katie picked me up to go into brandon on sunday at about 230ish, i'm suprised we even went at how terrible the roads were that morning, we couldnt make it in to rtc, but we headed off anyways, we made it to the mall and looked in le chateau for a top for katie and found a really cute one, i love that store theres so much cute stuff, and then we headed off to the hotel

jer drayden tanner tyler mylen laird elden matt chad derek were staying in a suite just down the hall from ours, and apparently andrew and alanna were coming too, so we were just chilling in our room and i texted amy to see if she was going to feel the heat and it turns out she was staying in the same hotel! sweet! we went to eat and we ordered stuff off the kids menu and it took like 40 minutes, aaah ridiculous so we went back up to the room (421) and watched the finale of americas best dance crew (go jabbawockeez!) and then got ready and made our way over to the guys room, we hung out in there for quite a while and drank and did whatever and i'm not quite sure what time we went over to houstons but it was around 10ish, i think

we go over and sean troy STEVAAAY tyler laird & more are in line so a group of 15 of us jumped in, pissing everyone behind us off, we had our masks and beads seeing as of how the theme was mardi gras, and some security guy come up to us and he's announcing to the line that if you pay him $20 you get to skip the line, so sean asked 'what about 15 and a mask?' and the guys like you guys got masks?! well then just come with me, so about 25 of us with masks cut the entire line of like 60+ people and just walked in the door, everyone was so mad at us haha, personally i thought the whole dancing was so much fun, aaand i saw jay! and wheaton! and amy! and there was going to be a huge fight between the massey guys and all of the souris guys, when i was with amy all of her friends were coming up and talking shit about how they hated everyone from souris and they were going down, and how 'bridgen had one coming' and then amy broke the news telling them i was from souris HAH, it was priceless a little bit, mylen got kicked out 5 minutes after we got there for trying to start something, anyways so we were dancing constantly with a whole bunch of people we didnt even know, every now and then we'd just grab a guy and dance with him, no bigs, theeeen the guys really werent having any sort of fun so we all decided to go back to the room at sometime around 11, and here is where everything went wrong

we get back to jer's room and its full of a whole bunch of brandon guys i've never seen before, and the story is: chad and derek gave their room key to the brandon guys and just let them into the suite and they drank all of the guys beer and they were smoking in the room and the OBO came and flipped a shit on them and called jer's mom and they were trying to fine jeremy $350 and we came back and we were trying to kick them out, and they were all wearing coveralls and smelled like pig and it was gross, they tried to blame mylen? its fishy business, but some random kid walked through the door and started talking about how he was on e or something, not sure.. so after shit went down half a million times and jeremy talked to the OBO guys and explained to them that it had nothing to do with him the charges were dropped, we decided to header over to mickeyd's, we made it there at 1211 and they wouldnt let us in because it closes at 12, and they wouldnt let us through the drivethru either so we blew that joint and went over to timmyho's where we all got food and brynna was drunk and being so messed, and then when we were leaving, jordan seafoot and two randoms were in a van so we were talking to them, and one random was trying to take all of our food, and then they wouldnt give us a ride back to the hotel so we just walked, sarah stuck her ass out at the road and some mexi taxi pulled over

we got back to the hotel to find sean troy and STEVAAAY outside the lobby because apparently they were in jeremys room and the OBO cob (who we'll refer to as dirty sanchez) came in and told them he was going to charge them for an open liquor and minor charges if they didnt leave right then, so they were stuck waiting outside until troys mom came to pick them up, and we were waiting for the elevator when laird and elden walk out saying that dirty sanchez kicked them out of the room too because jer's mom said there would only be 4 guys staying in the room, even though its a suite with 3 double beds, so they were going to go stay at jers brothers, and out of the 10 guys staying there, only jer mylen tyler and matt actually stayed, drayden and tanner went to bens brothers, chad and derek ditched and went back to souris after they gave random brandon guys jeremys room key (they wouldnt answer when jeremy was trying to call them), elden and laird had to go to jers brothers, and dirty sanchez was trying to say that our room was going to get kicked out too, and wtf there was no one in our room the entire night and if we were.. we were quiet, we were in jer's room cleaning shit up from the party that had apparently occured or over there talking with them, it wasnt out of control when we were there, but when the brandon guys were there one guy was standing in the hallway smoking and drinking inviting people into the room, like wttff drama mamas.. i'm still not sure if jeremy has to pay or not, it was just a gong show

so after we got back from timmyho's we just went back to our own hotel room, heh we took the mattresses off of one of the two beds in our room of the suite and moved the entire bed over and put a cot inbetween the two beds so that it was one big huge bed, we all just layed there and talked for forever until we fell asleep.. katie and i woke up every 2 hours or so and had like a 2 sentence conversation before falling back asleep, jennalee was up all night texting who knows, and sarah ended up moving to the floor but overall it wasnt bad

i was woken up in the morning to katie saying "WTF THERE WAS A GUY IN HERE" beecaaause apparently some guy knocked on the door and katie thought her mom was in the other room of the suite so she just didnt answer and then she heard someone come in and some man talking, so she opened the door from our room to her moms and the guy had his hands in katies moms bags?! and hes like 'oh.. i'm here to fix the bed' and katies said her mom wasnt here and he said he'd come back later, sketchy stuff, but we pretty much just all got ready right from the getgo, checked out, stopped at timmyho's once more, and then headed home

it was fun overall, i thought

sidenote: alanna tried to cause drama by literally inviting herself to stay in our room, at first her plan was to stay with the guys and then come into our room once they went to sleep, but when katie said she had to help pitch in for the room alanna wasnt too thrilled, then when she was told she would probably have to sleep on the floor with sarah or michelle, she said she would just get taken home after, cant handle not having the princess treatment i guess, she was walking around jer's room crying for no reason and bitching at andrew and trying to get attention, really no one cares about her problems anymore, her and andrew went home

all is well i'd say, it was fun
i will probably add bits and pieces as i remember them
saw my good pal justin, kelsey was being rude, some chinese man totally reamed out these little girls and they were almost crying and it was hilarious, i would walk around and tap random people on the shoulder or pinch their back just because it was dark and no one was going to know it was me anyways.. at one point some guy was bending over so i pinched his ass and it was a big native with a moustache and michelle thought he was going to kill her haaaa, i miss amy already aaah i loved seeing her, i met so many new people and i love meeting new people, i love life

cant take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid

fo od fo r t houg ht

Psychic spies from China try to steal your mind's elation
Little girls from Sweden dream of silver screen quotations
And if you want these kind of dreams, it's Californication
It's the edge of the world and all of western civilization
The sun may rise in the East at least it settles in the final location
It's understood that Hollywood sells Californication
Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging
Celebrity skin is this your chin, or is that war your waging?
First born unicorn, hard core soft porn
Dream of Californication
Marry me girl be my fairy to the world
Be my very own constellation
A teenage bride with a baby inside getting high on information
And buy me a star on the boulevard, it's Californication
Space may be the final frontier but it's made in a Hollywood basement
Cobain can you hear the spheres singing songs off station to station
And Alderon's not far away, it's Californication
Born and raised by those who praise control of population
Everybody's been there and I don't mean on vacation
Destruction leads to a very rough road but it also breeds creation
And earthquakes are to a girl's guitar they're just another good vibration
And tidal waves couldn't save the world from Californication
Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging
Sicker than the rest
There is no test
But this is what you're craving

Seen much more than you know

Friday was decent.
If I had've lost track of my mind for even two seconds I would have thought I was right back in grade eight again. I have so much fun with some of these people, at the exact same time that some of them push me over the edge. What happened to all of us? Brett is a funny boy sometimes. I live for walking home by myself late at night when I can't hear a thing except my footsteps and myself breathing. It snowed so much, it was pretty actually. Some people really are insane. Some people really are disappointing. I have a really nasty bruise above my left eye to prove it. I really do enjoy the people I consider good around here.


Saturday was better.
I love waking up to an absolutely silent house. I eat terrible sometimes, I really need to stop. Busting down Brayden's house to eat a nestle sundae from the container, bake cookies, and watch the Emperor's New Groove was a good break from everything else. "What died and set itself in your oven?" Babysitting brings out the childish side in me, plus I got some money towards basketball shoes. Sitting in the same spot for 5 hours straight watching as many movies as we can proves how lazy we really are. 2 guys and 2 girls do not fit on one fouton, but we can try to make it work. 430 is a nice time to decide to come home. 6 is a nice time to decide to fall asleep.


Today's been okay.
Since half of last night carried on through to this morning. I lack sleep, tremendously. I like feeling liked by people who are really good at the sports I like, it makes me feel special in a way. I really, really love Subway. School isn't my fancy, but Oprah's Big Give is on tonight. I will fall asleep very early.

We lost an hour.
Life's good nonetheless.

just wondering

why the fuck do you get everything you want?

Confessions

I only learned to be able to play with you.
I only say it back because I feel bad that you call me your best friend.
If I say I believe in something, it's probably because I'm forcing myself to believe it.
Except I do believe in you.
I have a best friend, which I'm willing to say. I may not be hers, but I really believe she's mine.
I'm tied down to my past so tight I don't know if I'll ever get out of it.
I complain a lot, yes.
I will never get over the feeling of living in this town.
Walking home at 1am alone here is my favorite, I guarantee you will never hear more amazing silence.
You couldn't possibly imagine what its like unless you've been here for long enough to get into the groove of it.
We all have things going on but we need to face the facts that there are people in this world who go days without eating, have no parents, are being tortured and killed, are being used for child labour, and even if you make no effort to help them we need to realize how many people would kill to have what we have.
I would kill to have what every single one of you have.
There are people that will kill to have what I have.
I feel more at home in a hockey rink than in a venue.
This town is full of my best friends.
You fuck with one of us, and we will all fuck with you.
I don't experience much.
I know how it feels to be loved.
I treat myself terribly.
I want to be the girl that gets to go to all the shows and see all the music and be friends with her heroes, but in reality I'm not and I never will be.
I'm starting to be okay with that.
But my feelings come and go.
In a week I'll be begging for a different life.
I'm really smart.
I would actually love to work for NASA.
I want a tattoo of an eighth note on the inside of my left wrist.
I am disproportional to myself.
My baby sister causes as much hell for me as she helps it.
This house can be hell.
We don't have a lot of money, we are actually barely middle class, but I'm entirely happy with the fact that we camp as a family, and we sit down every night and eat as a family, and we talk about our days like a family.
I'm happy that we are a family.
Disfunctional, but we are a family.
The littlest things make my day, and there are people in my life who have helped me get through things and they'll never know.
I went through depression.
It comes back every now and then and as much as I want to be able to say "It's Over" I fear it really isnt.
I would agree to die if I could meet my hero for 5 minutes.
I'm strangely pathetic.
Every one of you who has been here for about 2 years will agree that I've changed.
For the worse.
I'm a really angry person on the inside but I rarely let it show.
I want to be good at basketball so badly.
I have trouble judging myself and usually rely completely on what other people say.
Why is it that the friend of mine who lies the most, betrays us the most, puts on an act the most, is the only one who rubs my back and tells me its alright when I cry?
I've only cried over something thats bothering me in front of my friends twice.
I miss Alejandro Siller so much it hurts my heart.
I cried for 6 hours when he left.
I was the last girl to hug him before he left both times he was here.
I find it funny that I can tell when my friends are trying to hide the fact that they're sad, yet they cant tell when I'm sad and not even trying to hide it.
Drops Of Jupiter is my favorite song.
I have fun here and I love it.
When things aren't good I'll say different.
But overall the good things outweigh the bad things, immensly.
I miss Caroline Grady.
It still blows my mind that meeting her didnt make me nervous at all.
I wish she lived here.
She is pretty much my opposite.
I say 'pretty much' too much.
Boys don't like me.
I get showed up with everything I do.
There is always someone better.
I always second guess everything.
In my mind my friends are worse than they actually are.
Most of this stuff I'm realizing as I write this.
I have so many flaws.
I do not want to grow up.
I feel like I dont even know what I'm doing now, so how am I supposed to know what to do then?
I have time.
I miss Grade 8.
Everyone's changing and distancing, and I don't like it.
I want to live in this town forever.
I really wish everyone else saw their hero like I see mine.
I'm scared to meet him, part of me just wants to keep him as something unreal.
I talk to Mallory every day.
I tell her things I dont tell anyone else.
I'm gonna meet her.
I want to go to Vancouver.
No one pays much attention to my cat, and when she dies it will tear me apart.
I'm in love with the feeling of Summer.
I look forward to Sandy Lake and Kenosee every year.
When I look forward to things they tend to go wrong.
I have terrible luck.
I don't want people to think I sound conceited.
I don't know if I do, but I'm really not.
Just being included makes me feel cared about.
I find so much sense in The Lion King you would think I was a lion.
I get into routines, badly.
If they dont work right, I can get pretty mad.
My mom and I don't really talk. When we do, its awkward.
My moms cousin was drunk and he drowned.
I see how upset it makes his parents, and a majority of that side of the family.
I don't really like my dads side, although I've learned to be happier around them.
I love my moms side but I only see them about once every 2 years.
This is helping me a lot.
I want to be stick thin.
My collarbones disgust me and I like them at the same time.
More Later.

Taking two steps forward, a million back

Shin splints and strep throat walk hand in hand in and out of my life

I've got a gut instinct thats making me feel more than sick
and for some reason I know its not just the flu

Life,

my friends, just got better

Life,

my friends, is good.

high as the sky

'please please please'
'let me let me let me'
'let me.. get what i want this time'
'god knows it would be the first time'

poetry

lithium -
"i am happy that you realize love still exists.
it is dark and needs to be dusted off.
maybe i am only happy in this realization
in the early a.m.s in the neon lights off tokyo.
maybe i am not happy at all.
im not even too sure myself at times.
why would i ever want my moods to be stabilized.
sometimes you have to break a heart to unbreak your own.
i bleieve in falling in love midsleep.
i believe in dreaming about you on airplanes.
and yeah november spawned a monster,
but so did whatever month were in right now.
cursing leap years cause without them ill be home sooner.
if i had a penny to my name id throw it down a wishing well.
im best when im making things worse."

high heals -
"cue the dream sequence.
get the feeling of feeling.
you make me feel pins and needles
like a leg that has been asleep.
we have signs on our backs that read: save me.
i am in love with the rescuers.
talk some sense into me.
i dare you.
daydream ships and sleepy summer bombers
feign softness when she calls.
i will make the hair on your neck stand on end.
i will make you sing out in the night"

Wentz you are quite the boy, boy.

we rule

Thats the reason that Mal & I made this list;

1. Morgan Ross
2. Garret Nickelsen
3. Bow Wow
4. Rupert Grint
5. Jeff Czum
6. Chris Brown
7. Elan Wright
8. Jamie Bower
9. Nick Santino
10. Penn Badgley

Enjoy our top ten most attractive guys.
I know I will ;)